Drifting snows

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This is a hard one because I am still struggling with letting him go. In 1996 I met the love of my life. It was a long distance relationship. Love at first sight for me. We had so many ups and downs, more downs then up. When I met him I was 46, i am now 59 soon to be sixty. I promised him that I did not want to be sixty years old and still flying to see him. In 2006, I made the difficult decison to break off the relationship. There was no committment and the relationship along with my other issues was making me sick! Since that time, we have reconnected, still more or less a glorified booty call. I did not want to let him go, however we are just drifting. I was supposed to spend a week with him during my break from school. I just could not do it. I want him to come and rescue me. I want him to really want me. I am getting stronger day by day. I guess this time, we are just going to drift into another lifetime. He is a great guy and needs a lady that live in his area. I just got too much baggage. So I am drifting, drifting, and drifting away. Damn, life is a mutha!!!!