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Today  was such a blue day for me.  I am crying as I write this post.  Today was pity party day.  I am so sick of being sick.  Chemotherapy is killing my inner spirit.  No matter what it is doing to my body I am now beginning to feel sorry for myself.  It seems I am on a lonely island .  Where are my friends?  Where are the loved ones?  I have given so much in my 66 years.  It seems as though no one cares.

Last year I escorted a friend on a cruise to Mexico.  Her last trip for sure.  She asked and I said yes.  This year I have cancer.  The irony of it all. God what is the lesson right now.  I am trying to be patient.  It is hard being sick.  My energy level is minus zero.  I keep going though.  I am grateful to my dear friends that have reached out to me.  Michael my angel.  Levonnia my Rock.  Still I worry about them.  Because it must be hard seeing be suffer.  I wonder what did I do to deserve this fate.  I need to go to the deep end of the pool.  I am in the deepest part of the pool and trying not to drown, some times I feel like giving up.  I am so tired.  So very tired.

 

So I am crying a river.  I have lost my innocence,  Cancer will give you a reality check.  Don’t despair this too shall pass.  It is imperative that I cry, I can no longer pretend like it okay.  If you only knew how many people I love trusted and helped that turned their backs on me it would amaze you.

I now realize it is all part of the grieving process.  Bishop Jakes once said as long as you live you are going to lose something, relationships, jobs, money, health, friends, and family.Matthew 22 — Arlin Sorensen’s Thoughts on Scripture

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