Tag Archive: God


Dear Jurline,

I have watched you mature so much in the last year.  You are truly one amazing woman.  I admire your compassion as well as your passion.  I love that you always look a the positives versus the negative.  I love your ability to give so much of youself to help make this world a better place.  I love your generous spirit. I have watched you share your last to help someone else. I love your sense of social justice, girl you take care of business.  I love your faith, your tenacious spirit, your courage, your ability to take a stand for what is right.  I love that you love your family.  I love that you care about your community and willing to make positive social changes against the odds.   I love your energy, your creative and active mind.  I still can’t believe you are sixty.  I love your pretty brown eyes so big and expressive.  I love your ability to sell yourself. You are so confident.  You are so friendly and outgoing.  I love your ability to communicate.  Public speaking is your gift.  I love that you value education. Working on a second Master’s Degree? I love your sense of committment. You are a good friend.  I love your ability to encourage others.  I love your honesty and your Pollyanna attitude.  I love your faith in God! I love your relationship with your children especially your daughter. I love that they both love and respect you so much.  I love your sense of humour. I love to see you dance.  I love the girl in you.  I love your positive spirit! I love your walk, your talk, your ability to command attention without hardly trying.  I love that you are one intelligent woman with an inquisitive mind.  I love your inner and outer beauty.  I love the color of your skin, your hair, your body! You are truly a beautiful and vibrant woman.  I love your passion for life and your passion to love.  I love that when you are in love with someone you give them your all.  I love your integrity.   I love that you will fight for what is right, regardless of the consequences.  I love that you are a great parent and a terrific grandparent.  I love that you have so many good friends that love and support you.  I love that you are fearless! Is there anything you will not try? I love your sense of adventure. I love that you love spending time being alone with you.  I love that you are respected by your family, friends, and colleagues.  I love that you do not hold onto the past, you press forward.  I love that you are learning to cope with your illness and recovery is a possibility for you.  I love you for working hard to leave a meaningful legacy to your children and grandchildren.  A legacy of greatness.  I love your loyalty.  On the other hand, I love that you know how to walk away from a negative situation with dignity.  Yes I love that you are a sexy and dignified woman.  You are not afraid to embrace your sensuality.  I love that you are well read, educated, fearless, true blue altruistic woman!!!!! I love you for acceptance of others, the underrepresented and underserved.  I love your appreciation of nature.  You are truly a special person.  God’s gift to the world. Jurline,  I am thankful that you are my best friend.   I feel blessed when I am with you. 

Love always,

Jurline

Advertisements
Maya Angelou at the Discovery 2000 conference.

Image via Wikipedia

Originally, I was going to write that I wanted to lose 30 pounds and the reason was that since I promote diet and wellness, I should practice what I preach.  However, today, I went to see my tax accountant.  It was a depressing reminder of how little money I made this year.  Further, I have been actively pursing employment.  If you have followed my posts, you know that I suffer from PTSD.  I am sick and tired of being the victim.  Therefore, I hope to change  the way I feel about myself and work harder to improve my emotional  health.  Prior to my injury, I was a confident professional social worker.  I had been recently promoted to supervisor and I was making good money.  I had a great retirement plan, insurance benefits and finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.  I  purchased my first house,  a long-awaited dream and was  feeling great to finally be a homeowner!    However, in 2006, the pressure of working in a hostile work place finally took its toil on my physical and emotional health.   I applied for worker’s compensation  and was to be reassigned to a less stressful  job.   Of course, this did not occur and I took an early retirement, with the  plan of  seeking employment elsewhere.  For a short time, I worked for my church and believe it or not, due to the stress of that place, I found myself back medical leave.     Consequently, I suffered an emotional set back and found myself back on my therapist’s couch.  I quickly regrouped, at my therapist’s suggestion, applied to the California State  Department of Rehabilitation for retraining.   I qualified for state help due to my job related injury.  My rehabilitation plan  was approved for me to return to  college to get a Master’s Degree in Family Therapy.  In spite of my best efforts, I continue to suffer periods of self-pity and shame for suffering an emotional breakdown.  I truly thought, I was going to quickly recover and get back to my old confident self.   Consequently, this year’s goal is to work harder on putting the past behind me.  I continue to send  applications, go on job interviews,  attend college and self-improvement workshops,  and hope for the best.   Overall, I think I am making good progress, however I am my worst critic.  For example, yesterday, I was on an emotional high, I  interviewed for my dream position  and  it appeared that I was making  a good impression on my interviewers.  However, today, I received a follow-up email indicating that they would keep me in the loop however they were continuing their search.  It was an encouraging email, however I feel they were letting me down gently.   So, I feel emotionally drained and somewhat defeated.  I love Maya Angelou‘s Poem, Still I Rise , especially the verse, “and still I rise”.   Therefore, I must work harder to embrace the future, and to let go of past disappointments.   I downloaded the Bible app on my Blackberry and have started a daily Bible study.   Today’s lesson was so timely  and so encouraging that I have posted it here for all to read.  Whenever you feel that the world has treated you unfairly, remember, they too will have a judgment day!

The “”Knower

God is many different things. He’s a Father, a Creator, a Shepherd, a Husband, a Healer, and a Provider. And each of these names highlights a certain aspect of His nature and character. As a Father, His compassion is expressed. As a Creator, His creativity is expressed. And it goes on and on.

There’s another way in which He is known, and that’s as the Just Judge who presides over earth. As such, another angle of His character is seen. Although the injustices and wrongs of this world may seem to go unpunished, God is the keeper of justice, and He will be faithful to execute it and uphold His righteousness.

It doesn’t always seem like that, especially when we’re personally affected by someone else’s sin. Sometimes it appears that injustice will prevail. But in His own perfect timing, and according to His own perfect way, injustice will be brought into the light, tried, and judged. Nobody truly gets away with anything. One way or another, justice will be served. And this is one of the many ways God’s incomparable character is expressed.

How? We all have a “knower” inside us that responds and resonates when we see the right thing happen. It’s been placed there by God so we would have an internal witness that gives an “amen” to His standards for right and wrong (Romans 2:14-15). And when we see justice served, when God executes judgment, there’s a connection that happens inside us. It puts us on God’s wavelength and can even serve as a catalyst for a deep and intimate relationship with Him.

Lord, continue to reveal Yourself as a righteous and perfect Judge over all things, and deepen our understanding of your heart as you continue to do so.

What does this passage reveal to me about God? He is the judge over my life and is in control of my destiny.

What does this passage reveal to me about myself? I need to develop a stronger faith walk and realize God is in control.

Based on this, what changes do I need to make?  Seek a spirtual mentor,  continue to seek balance in my life, be still and wait patiently on the Lord!!!!

What is my prayer for today? 
Sent via BlackBerry by AT

 

Mary J Blige - Forever No More (back cover)

February 9, 2011, I will turn 60 years young.  I am so thankful that I am healthy and in my right mind !  It is amazing that my chronological years just does not add up with how I am feeling now. I am actually feeling better than I have in a long time. I am entering another decade of my life.  When I turned fifty, I had an elaborate birthday party. I called it my “coming out” party.    Celebrating life is always a great thing.  I urge you all to celebrate your life.    I am thankful that I had that party.  My entire family and friends were present.  My friends from Northern California came as well as my family from Chicago.    It was the last trip to California for my Dad he passed away in 2009.  Since my last birthday celebration, several close friends are no longer here.   I am thankful that we video taped the entire event.  I had them on tape each wishing me a Happy Birthday.  Age is nothing but a number my best friend was only thirty-three when she died.  I still miss her she knew “where all the skeletons were buried”.   She took my secret s to the grave.   It seems impossible that she is gone and life continued on without her.  Her death left a huge void in my life.  She was my running buddy.  Although, I was her mother”s age,  we always had a great time hanging out.  So the best thing that I have going for me is that I have lived a full and exciting life.  I am at the age that I really don’t get a hoot what others think of me.  I am finally confident with my body!!!! I am still young enough to feel sexy!  I have great friends and continue to meet new ones that enhance  my life!!! I  am thankful to have lived to see my babies grow up and now they have babies of their own!!! I am healthy enough enjoy them, run, ride, skip, jump with them.    This birthday is a milestone as I have finally given  myself permission to embrace my authentic self.    I have learned to say no! I have learned to set limits! I have learned to love myself! For that, I feel this is my best life ever!!!!! I am living my life-like it is Golden!!!!! Yes, I am finally walking in my greatness! I feel powerful! I feel beautiful! I feel love!!!!!!! I feel blessed!!!! Thank you God for giving me another chance to get it right.  So the best thing I have going for me is me!!!!!!!!  To quote RuPaul, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anybody else”.

The Compassionate one, My mother Ola M. Johnson!

  I am no Mother Teresa, however I honestly feel that I am still alive because God has a special plan for my life.    I will be celebrating my 60th birthday next month.  I have been through so many changes and so many adverse circumstances that I should really be dead.  I should have been strung out on drugs, a whore , prostitute,  and homeless bum.   My faith in God has sustained me.  I survived against all odds.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that there is a God.  My life is a living testimony of  God’s grace and mercy.  This is a personal post and I really do not care whether people believe it or not.    I have prayed and asked God to forgive me and he did.   My life is a journey and a testimony of faith.  Divine intervention is something that you have to experience for yourself.  I am sure many of you have read about people experiencing “near death” or being brought back from the “brink of death”.  Many of which had never really believed in God however became born again Christians. I have always had a spiritual and deep relationship with God.   The mere fact that my mother choose to have me is a miracle.  I am thankful that she did.  I was her love child, born out of an affair.  The one time in her life that she did something wrong that turned out  right.  She fell in love with my biological father and they created me.  So I feel that it is my life’s destiny is to  bless others.  God has special plans for my life.   I am an exceptional person. I have experienced exceptional highs and exceptional lows.  This is my personal testimony. I am here simply because of my unyielding faith in God.  He is my rock, my prince of peace, my heavenly father.  I did not know my biological father and had a strained relationship with my stepfather.  It gives me great comfort to realize that my heavenly father loves me and he is keeping me alive for his purpose.  It has taken me 6o years to realize this truth.  I pray for twenty more to years to of his love and mercy.   Consequently, I have dedicated the rest of my life to doing his will not mine.

"Just Married": 1948 in Worthington,...

Image via Wikipedia

I was a teenage bride, barely eighteen when I married my high school sweetheart!  He was three years older, still  we  both were too young .  I was born in an era when “shacking up” was not an option.  My parents, mainly my mother, my father personally did not give a damn, were  old-fashioned.  I was the only girl and the baby of the family.  I grew up with the stigma of teen age pregnancy.  You see it was my mother’s greatest fear.   My older cousins all had babies and married later.   Some of my cousins, never married, just had baby after baby.   I vividly remember my mother talking on the phone with a friend, discussing me.  She was telling her friend or whomever, that she hoped that I did not get pregnant.   I felt hurt and ashamed.  I was an avid reader and had a great imagination and figured out where babies came from.  However, my older cousins did not share with me how to protect myself from becoming pregnant.  Consequently, it was also my fear that I too would somehow end up having a baby out-of-wedlock.   Therefore, I opted to get married to have legalized sex.  That is exactly what I was thinking. Plus, I also got married to leave my home.  Things were bad  and marriage was my get out of  jail free card.  I left home at eighteen and never went back home to live. I am sorry that going away to college was not an option for me.  My parents did not push for college.  My mother only wanted me to graduate from high school without getting pregnant.   Thank God I made it, it was only the angels looking over me that allowed me to carry out this feat!!!!!!  I don’t regret marrying my ex husband. Yes, ex, the marriage ended after ten years.  We “hatted up”, slang for he walked out leaving me to raise two kids… Yep, he went on his merry way, started a new life.    So I wish i hadn’t got married so young.  I wish that I had went into the Navy or off to College.   Consequently, I tried to encourage both of my children to see some of the world, sow their wild oats, have fun,  and enjoy their single life before settling down.  My daughter took my advice and got married in her 30’s.  My son  was in the Navy by the time he married his first wife.   He quickly remarried after his divorce.   He admitted that he wished he had listened to me and remained single for a while.    Truthfully, I am not the marrying type and probably  should have never married.  I became fascinated  with the  Women’s Liberation Movement. I embraced the freedom of being ones own person, earning your own money and spending it as you wished to spend it.    I applauded the women for burning their bras and going topless.  I got a taste of liberation and I loved  it! Free your mind and all that good stuff. !  I could have easily been a nomadic person, loving many people all at the same time.  So, it is a good thing I was born in 51 instead of 61, because, I think I would have been just “living in sin” as the old folks used to say!

Racial makeup of the Catholic Church. Data and...

Image via Wikipedia

I have attended church all of my life.  I was a dedicated church goer.    That all changed in 2008.  I started working for my church and it was a terrible experience.  I used to believe in the church as a reverent place.   I guess I got to close to the inner circle.  I realized that the ministers, deacons, choir members, etc are simply people.  Some talk the talk, however they do not walk the walk.  Behind closed doors.    I am a spiritual person and I worship God.  I do not believe in organized religion.  I find it all to be superficial and a game.  The same office politics that existed at the job is double at the church.  The deadly sins, oh please.   The pious, so judgemental, they will pray for you in one breath and stab in the back.  My church almost made me turn from God!!!!! The lies, the petty lies, the hypocrisy it all made me sick to my stomach.  They had no heart, they treated me like crap and I no longer believe in attending church.  Church is in your heart your mind your body your soul.  I worship what is true. Nature is unchanging a God’s gift to man.  So what I think of religion? It is all a game! My opinion and that is the only one that counts. 

Photo of Jacqueline Kennedy, Robert Kennedy, J...

Image via Wikipedia

The fact that I raised my children as a single parent and they turned out well. Both of  them now adults  are professionals. My son has been in the Navy for 22 years. A great dad, husband and I call him my knight in shining armor. My daughter is a wonderful mother, wife, and a professional social worker. We worked in the same office before I retired. She is also my best friend. I am so thankful to God that they are wonderful human beings! I receive compliments on them from people who watched them grow up. My friends tell me all the time that I did a great job of raising them. It was difficult for  them growing up without their Dad. He deserted us when they were very young. However, I am proud that they both have a relationship with him, that they nurtured. I am so proud of them. It feels great to hear compliments about their character. Both are easy-going, however will stand their ground when necessary. I am a proud mother! It makes me feel great to receive compliments about my kids!!!!!!!! They are also proud of me as well. They actually give me the most compliments. They tell me that I was a great mother and dad. They both give me credit for setting a great example. They credit me for  exposing them to religion at an early age and giving them the freedom to develop their own form of worship. My daughter told me that I made social work look easy that is why she decided to follow in my footsteps. They also compliment me for  teaching them the true meaning of life, that I placed emphasis on love and family, versus material things. I am glad that I have lived long enough to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Whenever I am feeling sorry for myself, my best friend Linda, always remind me that both of my kids are professionals and are self-sufficient adults.   Jackie Kennedy was quoted as saying that the best accomplishment of her life was rearing her children to be good citizens. To me that is the greatest compliment of all, leaving a legacy of greatness and knowing that my children are truly good citizens. My son works for the Federal Government(I did too as well) and my daughter works for Los Angeles County(I retired from LA County). We call it the Redeaux way, doing our job and doing it well!!!!

WoW. Our agency New Impression donated toys to another agency . My daughter donated toys that her children received for presents, too many toys for them to play with! It seems as though God opened up a window from Heaven and blessings just flowed out. First my cell phone was disconnected. I did not stress, I was thankful for a home phone. I had less than a hundred dollars in my bank account, however I was determined to hang on to those few dollars. On Sunday, my daughter wanted a christmas tree for the kids. I was thrilled to take my few dollars and was able to purchase  a tree and some decorations for the yard as well. I truly believe when you give to others is when you are blessed more than ever. Sunday we made this great connection with this new agency ! We felt convinced to help them help give to children in need taking the focus off our needs. This is one day I stepped out on faith. Today is Tuesday and the blessings continue to flow. ATT turned my phone back on!!!! My daughter in law gave me 40 dollars to help our agency. Another good friend sent $50. It does not seen much however in our world is will help us out tremendously!!!!! Its amazing that I was so down in the dumps one day and the next I am flying high!!!!! O the best news I have a job interview on Monday!!!! I really want this job. This is the first interview I have had in months!!!!! I am wishing on a star and believe that good things are coming my way. Yes, God has a blessing with my name on it!

Peace, Joy, and Love!!!!!

sherron & shaheera

Today I received some disturbing news.  My niece called

The Compassionate one, My mother Ola M. Johnson!

to tell me that she had lost her custody battle with her husband.  My niece did it the right way, she did not shack up, honors her parents and loved ones, does not have a mean bone in the body.   I know there are two sides to every story. So I am telling the side I know, she was a virgin when she got married at 31…..She lived at home with her family.  She worked hard. I also will add she is beautiful inside and out….I was thrilled when she told me she was getting married.  I flew home to Chicago as she asked me to participate in her wedding.   I was so excited! She had recently lost her dad, my baby brother to cancer.   The whole family was rejoicing.   They had a short courtship, however, I figured by this time, she knew what she wanted.  Fast forward two kids later, the marriage was in trouble.  Her baby is only three .  I just don’t understand what went wrong. Okay, a lot of things could go wrong.   I am feeling for my baby niece.  She sounded so sad today.  It appears that she will have her girls every other weekend and every summer.  That is not too bad! I just wonder how did it go from Camelot to Spamalot in such a short time frame.   I just wonder,  how do bad things happen to such a good person.  She has suffered so much loss in her young life.  Her brother was murdered, my brother(her dad) dies from Cancer, her grandmother(my mom) dies from diabetes, her grandaddy(my dad) dies from Alzheimer’s disease. She was devoted to all of them.  I feel so helpless.  I wish she lived close by at least we good comfort each other.   Today, I tried to encourage her by telling her this is not the end of the road.  Take this as an opportunity to return to school or learn a new hobby.  Divorce is hard especially when you wish to remain marred.  Child custody battles are ugly as well. I can only say a prayer for her!!!!!!! Life is cruel, I know that, however, my niece was my little baby and I wanted all the best for her.  She did it the right way waiting for her knight in shining army.  He showed up, looking like wonderful(BMW) Black man working,  provided her with a comfortable life, a large home in the suburbs with a pool, two beautiful little girls and they were supposed to live happy ever after.  Today its over, the house, he keeps, the girls, well he won them as well, and the life, he got his and his lady friend.  There is no knight for my niece, just many sleepless nights wondering what went wrong.  That’s my problem always looking at the world through rose colored glasses.  I feeling sorry for myself too.  I had a rotten couple of months.  Today’s news just took me over the edge.   It seems to be harder and harder for me to pick up the pieces.  We got to find a breakthrough somehow!!!!!! I am praying to God to deliver my niece from all the pain she is going through right now.  I am also praying for a financial breakthrough in my life as well.   Sorry this is the season to be jolly, to be giving, to be thankful, and most of all the be forgiving.   God why does bad things happen to good people? What are we supposed to be learning? I guess I will find out when I get to Heaven.  In the meantime, Life is a mother!!!!!!